so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
