I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
