Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
