is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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