I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Dicks are not precious.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
