... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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