You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize