Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
