dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
