and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
