This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
and you fell through a lawn chair
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
