i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
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