I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
