Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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