what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
