Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
A bitchslap is in order.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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