My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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