You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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