I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
