i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
