Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I need water and some morals
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
