mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
splinters make it hard to masturbate
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
