You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
