hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
