guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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