4 words: hood of his car
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
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