This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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