i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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