I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
