i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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