tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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