Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
