wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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