Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
