Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
