Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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