don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
