Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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