i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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