Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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