My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
you inspire me to be a worse person
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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