Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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