Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
