I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
