she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
