Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
