No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Banned from zoo.
Again?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
God, you're like boner-b-gone
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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