Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize