I CAN MOONWALK!
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
