Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
