there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
