i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
my sisters under your porch take her home
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
There's a naked man in my car right now.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
