I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
