guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
