Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
