my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
