Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I want her autograph on my taint
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
