....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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