need another drink. this is the easiest way
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
