it wasn't lemon gatorade
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Randomize
