Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
