It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
