We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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