he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
