dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
