so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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