I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
