I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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