remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
